Swinger Tips for Beginners
07/01/2010
If you are new to the “swinger lifestyle” and you are exploring the notion of a non-monogamous, open sexual relationship, here are some important beginner tips.
Whether you are married, dating or single, these tips will help you understand and ease into exploring this sexual lifestyle. No reason to rush or become overwhelmed, nor is there reason to be nervous, shy or scared. Proper understanding of this information will help to guide you and improve the quality and satisfaction of your initial sexual encounters.
In general, most swingers are friendly, open-minded, fun-loving folks. It’s a vast community that spans the globe. In fact, some people you may know quite well might be swingers (your friends, co-workers, even family members – they are just discrete about it).
First, let’s discuss the various types of sexual encounters that are common in the swinger lifestyle, such as same-room-sex, soft swap and full swap. These activities are for swinger couples. We will discuss the options for single swingers a bit later.
Same-room-sex is defined as two couples having sex with their own partners at the same time, allowing each couple to watch the other couple in action. There is no sex between the two couples outside their own partners. Sometimes mutual touching is acceptable, but that’s at the discretion and comfort levels of each couple.
Soft swap is defined as couples exchanging oral sex with another partner than their own. For example, man-A and woman-B perform oral sex on each other while woman-A and man-B also perform oral sex on each other. This scenario is a common favorite for swinger couples who like to explore their sexual desires without having intercourse.
Full swap is defined as couples exchanging intercourse with another partner than their own. This is by far the most prevalent sexual scenario among swinger couples, allowing both the man and the woman to experience plenty of sexual variety while staying committed to each other.
Other common terms you will hear are “group sex” (includes threesomes, foursomes and moresomes), “gang bangs” (multiple people having sex with one person, generally multiple men on one woman) and “orgies” (similar to “group sex”, but involving numerous sexual activities going on independent of each other, often in multiple areas and generally requiring a larger number of people).
When it comes to single swingers (or “swingles” as they are sometimes referred), single woman find it extremely easy to join the swinger lifestyle. They are welcomed with open arms and often given highly preferential treatment – especially if they are bisexual.
Bisexuality is common and abundant among female swingers. Most couples will jump at the chance to have a single woman join them. After all, most men’s #1 fantasy is having sex with two beautiful, sexy women, or at least watching them together.
Single men, on the other hand, find it very hard to participate in the swinger lifestyle. It’s not that they don’t want to (of course they do, men are hard-wired to want sex), the problem is simply that they are – to quote a famous idiom – “a dime a dozen”.
Single men who want to participate in the swinger lifestyle outnumber single women many, many fold. They are so overabundant that they often become a nuisance or a deterrent to most single women and couples (unless the woman loves double penetration or both men are bisexual). Because of this, single men are often barred from attending most swinger parties and events. However, some do allow “select” (aka pre-screened, well behaved and rules-conscious) single men to attend, but only in small numbers.
Bisexuality among men in the swinger lifestyle is much less common and oftentimes frowned upon. In general, most couples, single women, swinger groups and clubs don’t accept bi-sexual males, or at the very least simply don’t condone them. This harsh double standard often leads to most bi-sexual males feigning being straight.
Being new to the swinger lifestyle, you probably have two main questions “where can I/we go to meet other swingers?” and “How do I/we handle first encounters with other swingers?” There are numerous free or fairly inexpensive online resources to help get you started. With these resources, you can easily get access to numerous private swinger groups, clubs, house parties, resort takeovers, and meet other local swingers. These include – lifestylelounge.com, swinglifestyle.com, theswingsite.com, and sdc.com
Many of these swinger community websites offer a free limited-access membership. Upgrading to a full-access membership costs around $20 per month, depending on which website and which membership option you chose. Purchasing a 3-month, 6-month or yearly membership option will save you quite a bit versus paying month to month.
Another great resource that‘s totally free is Craigslist (http://www.craigslist.org). First, browse by your city, and then search under the “Casual Encounters” section. Here you will see lots of local swinger ads, plus you can post your own ad for free and have other swingers contact you. If privacy is a concern, do not post your face pictures on your own ads. Just be aware that lots of people use Craigslist for normal things (selling items, finding apartments, looking for jobs, etc.) and will often browse personal ads just for fun – and you might not want your family, friends or coworkers to stumble across your swinger ads. So, just be discrete about how you use Craigslist to avoid any such issues.
Finally, let’s discuss how to handle your first swinger encounters. The most important guideline is that you adopt a policy of open communication. This is essential to good swinging. Openly communicate to your own partner and to those you wish to swing with, what your comfort level is, what you would like to do (or try), any boundaries or dislikes that you have, etc. This will lay the groundwork for your sexy encounter and let everyone know what is or isn’t acceptable, ensuring that everyone has a great time.
When it comes to meeting new swingers, it’s important to have a plan. If you’re just looking for quick no strings attached (NSA) sex, you may skip these tips and simply “hook up” with other swingers. However, if you want to actually date other swingers (for more intimate sex and possibility of friendship) here are some helpful guidelines –
1. Meet for drinks and conversation first (at a local bar, pub, restaurant, coffee shop, etc.) and get to know each other. Find out if you have good chemistry before doing anything sexually. For couples this can be a difficult process since finding 4-way chemistry is hard to do. It’s not uncommon for a couple to have mixed feelings about another couple.
2. Have at least two code words that you can sneak into your normal conversation. One code word should be for “we like them, let’s proceed” and one should be for “there’s no chemistry here, we should go now”. This is very important if you’re a couple because it allows you to subtlety inform your partner how you feel the date is going. Whatever the agreement, you can then easily segue into leaving the public venue and either ending the date there, or continuing on to a nice private setting.
3. Play safe (always use condoms), be respectful of any boundaries, and have a great time swinging.
4. Never be jealous of your lover; you should enjoy watching your lover have sex with others. If you harbor any uneasy feelings, jealousy issues, etc. then you need to openly communicate them and figure out how to overcome them. Otherwise, you are playing with fire and it could easily end up ruining things for you and your partners. The swinger lifestyle is all about openness and carefree sexual adventures. Embracing this, you’ll be welcomed into a wild and wonderful world of sexual pleasures, new friendships, and much more.
About the Author: Robert Legend is the co-founder of Naughty Revolution (formerly Naughty Entertainment). Together with his long-time lover and girlfriend Jennifer Luck, they host Lifestyle Parties in the Los Angeles area. Many consider them “Lifestyle Ambassadors” because they so openly advocate and promote "the lifestyle", while offering advice and educational workshops to open-minded people looking to explore this lifestyle.
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