Swinging in the 21st Century
03/11/2010
"I can't wait to go home and blow you!" exclaims a woman as she runs past me wearing a leather miniskirt and an untied halter top with her tits hanging out.I'm at a swingers party.
Before I got here, all I knew about swingers was what I saw in movies and television shows. I was expecting sweaty middle-aged men in open chested polyester shirts and women who could tell me about the Ford administration, together in an unseemly pile of throbbing flesh. Or something organized by a slimy character charging single guys a considerable amount of money get into a party where there might be a few haggard women that you wouldn’t exactly want to have sex with. Instead, I find a good mix of attractive twenty and thirty something’s with some forty something’s sprinkled in. All my expectations are shattered. Obviously gone are the key and mansion parties of yesterday. This is swinging in the 21st century!
When I'm at the bar a woman sitting next to me asks where my date is. I tell here I'm writing an article about swinging and her face lights up. "I have so much to tell you!" She goes on to say that, she and her husband are occasional swingers and do it because they don't believe in monogamy. They have ground rules with each other. They have to ok it with their partner if they are going to be with someone else. Jealousy is a non-issue amongst them. “My husband is hot, and I’m hot so why not share ourselves with other amazing people.” This all sounds a bit hippieish, but maybe this is just an evolution in relationships. Who am I to judge? Her husband quickly chimes in “I don’t have to worry about my wife getting mad if I look at another woman and vice versa. We’re there for each other and we’ve made a commitment to that. Sex and monogamy don’t necessarily need to be tied together. I’m emotionally monogamous with her.” Perhaps the paradigm of the one-partner relationship needs to be skewed slightly – it should now include what makes those participants in the relationship happy even if it includes swinging. Maybe true love is maintained only through this type of lifestyle.
I eventually find Jenn and Robert. They are the hosts for the evening and through their company, Naughty Revolution organize these monthly parties. These two have taken a decidedly post-modern approach to swinging. They’re up on the internet in order spread their message of social sexuality. Before this, they say that swingers groups spread by word of mouth. This resulted in a homogeneous group of swingers, which can be a bit disappointing when your 42 and are hoping to meet a hot 25 year-old to share.
Why did you start a swinging company?
"We found that there was too much pressure to hook up when we first started swinging. We didn't like that, so we took the party outside of the private home and book a bar every month where first timers can explore the swinging lifestyle. Our core mantra is to provide a pressure-free social environment, designed to promote good conversation, new friendships, and sexual openness. We encourage our members to enjoy themselves and others freely, whether it be dancing, drinking, socializing, or engaging in naughty fun."
You two seem to be more public with your swinging activities then most would be. You have twitter page, myspace profile, and an impressive group on meetup.com. Do you see swingers becoming more out in the open with their way of life?
“Yes, and no. I like to compare the swinging lifestyle a bit to gay rights activists. Where being gay used to be a very closeted thing, it’s way more accepted now. That’s the way I would like to see swinging be. Say I were a schoolteacher, I don’t want to have to hide being a swinger it should just be out there with no controversy. I shouldn’t have to be afraid that if a student’s parent saw my picture associated with swinging, that I will lose my job.”
This scene was very heady to take in. There was a makeshift stripper pole next to the dance floor and by now there were two half-naked women grinding on it. I could see the bathroom out of the corner of my eye. Every few seconds the door would bang as if someone was trapped inside trying to get out. People were totally fucking in there.
I have to admit, I had fantasies that this party would be full of free willing women, eager to see me without my pants on. I tried flirting with a few women to no avail. It was late and I had work the next day. I hailed a cab and on the way home I couldn't help but smile. Sure, I was going home alone and I hadn't gotten laid in months. I kept thinking how awesome these people are. Granted on the surface they’re just swingers, sex fiends, nymphos. But I see them as the next generation of sexual-relational pioneers. They’re making it easier for that guy or gal out there to ask their partner for a threesome or check out the next Naughty Revolution party.
