We greeted Van and he immediately introduced us to the lovely Nadia Styles. He previously shot her first anal and first interracial scenes, so there was a great deal of comfort shown between the two. Wearing a Hustler shirt, boy shorts, gray and hot pink striped thigh-highs and the requisite stripper shoes, she was what the kids today call "bangin'".

"Can you be the creepy guy looking through the window²," Nadia asked us shortly after meeting. "I love the creepy guy."

While we would have loved to oblige her, we wouldn't be making our screen debut that day. It's not because our mother would object—she'd probably show all of her friends—Van hadn't figured our day rate into his budget. HustlerWorld may work on the weekend, but we don't work for free. Momma didn't raise no fool.

While Van was shooting stills of the lovely Miss Styles, we were hypnotized by her tan-line free posterior. Seriously, we quit smoking and feel the need to bark anytime a cell phone rings. Now that's fantastic ass!

While pictures were being snapped, we learned that Nadia would be getting implants and some other work done the following Monday. Asked our opinion of her decision, we channeled our late father, the king of the correct answer: "Whatever makes you happy." Personally, we don't think she needs them, but we applaud her for being in the industry for over 3 years without going under the knife. We've been in the adult business for less than a year and we've already gotten butt implants, a face-lift, our eyes done, liposuction and had 3 tattoos removed.

"All we need is some cock and we got ourselves a DP," Nadia exclaimed, marking the end of Van's photo session.

That cock would come in the form of Mark Wood, Sasha and Mr. Pete, who arrived shortly thereafter.

While the woodsmen were getting ready, we got to listen in as Van and Nadia discussed her first experience with anal sex with her first boyfriend.

"We did it with Vaseline. I should be a sponsor," she laughed.

Nadia thinks he's embarrassed by her now. She doesn't care though: "He's just jealous because I get more pussy than he does."

With the guys ready to go, Nadia told Mr. Pete, "I want you to lick my pussy."

Responding, as only Mr. Pete³ could, "Well lets get that shit over with before everyone starts poking it!"

Then, while engaging in a little off-camera warm-up coitus, Mr. Pete was demanding, "Tell me I have a small penis! Tell me I have a small penis!"

She was more than happy to oblige, screaming, "You're cock is so small," while riding him cow-girl style.

Before the scene began, Van told the trio of guys, "You still have a day to talk her out of [the breast surgery]."

"Baby, don't do it," Mr. Pete pleaded. "Put a down payment on my Escalade. I'll show you more love than those titties ever could."

With the joking out of the way, Mr. Styles started filming the 4 temporary lovers, beginning with Nadia on her knees taking turns fellating the male talent. At that point it dawned on us: There would be 3, well-hung naked dudes, Nadia, Van and myself on the set. That's it. They'd also be filming a DP, which, to put it mildly, ain't our thang.

Nadia admitted to being a little nervous before the filming began. We didn't say this to her at the time, but so were we. We like our hardcore, graphic sex to be as vanilla as possible. When the ratio of naked dudes to naked girls passes 2:1, we usually skip to the next chapter. Unfortunately, we couldn't fast-forward to the BTS that day. We were stuck with a bird's eye view of the whole proceeding. We spent most of the scene with our face shoved in our notebook, trying to avoid the one-eyed gaze of giant shlong.

Why anyone in his or her right mind would be into watching this sort of thing is beyond us. But here's the thing: People are. And they have every right to be. We're in no position to judge what should or should not get people off. If rubbing mint jelly on your taint while having racial epithets screamed at you gets you hard and/or off, there's some lamb in the oven and you're a dumb cracker.

We have to mention two things about our visit to the set:

Firstly, from what we were able to handle watching⁴, the filming of a double penetration is a pretty difficult undertaking, logistically speaking. When Van mentioned to Mark and Sasha he wanted to try for a standing DP, Mr. Pete chimed in with, "[They] must feel strong today!" While Nadia's a petite girl, we couldn't imagine what the strain of having to both lift and bang her for any extended period of time would do to our back. They had to shoot this position over several takes to get enough usable footage.

Secondly, we admire Van for creating an environment where Nadia's comfort was placed above all else. At any time during the filming she wanted to stop⁵ , he would have been more than receptive and understanding and done so immediately. He's built up a great deal of trust with his female performers and we sincerely doubt that he would sacrifice that relationship.

When the scene was drawing to a close, Van asked Nadia what she thought the pop shot should involve. "I like to swallow, but I'll take a facial," she responded, seemingly reading Van's mind. The guys each took turns shooting their load onto Nadia's willing face and after a few more pictures were snapped, Nadia Style's first DP was finished.

Later that evening, we ran into Nadia at the party for Shane's World 10th Anniversary. We asked her how she was feeling after the shoot. "I loved it, but I was tired at the end. I went home and took a nap."

¹ For the Divine Comedy scholars out there, we know that this particular circle is reserved only for traitors, but "third circle of hell" doesn't sound nearly as impressive. Go outside, get some sun and don't be such a stickler for relatively obscure literary references. No one likes it when you do that.

² We were slightly offended she typecast us as "the creepy guy", but we hadn't shaved in like a week. The label was apt.

³ Mr. Pete actually named himself that in an homage to Mr. Marcus.

⁴ Our personal preferences aside, you can't possibly blame us for not wanting to stare at giant penises all afternoon.

⁵ As it tuned out, she didn't.