LARRY FLYNT'S HUSTLERWORLD

In honor of masturbation month, The Center for Sex and Culture is proud to announce the Seventh Annual Masturbate-a-Thon, Saturday, May 26th in San Francisco at the Porn Palace.

Before we actually like, ya know, read this release we had this great bit worked out where we were going to ask for people to sponsor us as we evicted the testicular squatters. Turns out, our initial conclusion wasn't so far off base:

"Through individual sponsorships, participants generate revenue in this live group event for every minute they masturbate or for each orgasm claimed."

...and there are trophies! Categories include:

Longest time spent masturbating. Last year, a dude went at it for 8.5 hours. Amatuer.

Most orgasms. In 2006, a guy won the trophy with a paltry 6. We hit that number before we took a shower this morning.

Distance (new this year). We have prostate issues.

While we're excited at the idea of adding some hardware to the HW trophy case (it's currently empty) we're more interested in finding a sponsor. For every spematazoa we release putting the seminal luge team through their paces, we're hoping that a backer will donate $.00001 to the Center of Sex and Culture's efforts to promote a sex-positive cultural change. That's 1 ten-thousandth of a cent per potential baby.

Keep in mind, the average number of sperm cells in the ejaculate of a healthy male is 250,000,000. If we're doing the math right and we are, this works out to about $2500 bucks per kitten killed. However, we're not healthy by any stretch of the imagination. A diet consisting solely of cigarettes, coffee and the occasional McGriddle does not make for a high sperm count. We'll err on the side of caution and say our number is closer to like 10,000,000. Still, $100 a pop is nothing to sneeze at.

If you're interested in sponsoring us, send us a note at Info@HustlerWorld.com. We'll wear a t-shirt or some shit with your company logo, picture of your deceased relative (this one's for you Uncle Bob!) or whatever else you can think of on it. We're whores like that. Yeah, whores for charity.

For more information about the event the Center for Sex and Culture, check out the website.

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The Seventh Annual Masturbate-a-Thon Comes To San Francisco